It has been said that everything has a season and nothing happens without reason. That could lead one to believe that everything has a purpose. Purpose can be a little easier to comprehend when there is a clear connection between the input and the outcome. An example of this would be employment. The employee goes to work. The employee is paid. The employee does not go to work. The employee is not paid. The reason behind work for many is payment. The purpose of the payment is to help the employee live comfortably. Sometimes the connection is not as clear and the correlation is not as obvious. Let's explore a couple whose basic needs are met. That is they have a solid income, stable housing, they are on the same page about children, and goals. Yet, they struggle to comfortably co-exist. They struggle to get along and it appears that being unkind comes with more ease than being kind. Some may propose that they struggle to get along due to differences, preferences, perspectives, or a host of other reasons. For this example, let's assume that all the barriers to kindness have been addressed and there is still a disconnect and a sense of anger in the home. Understand that the disconnect and the anger must serve a purpose in order for it to exist. Some may argue that someone has a reason to be angry. After the reason is addressed we want to look at the purpose of the existence of anger. Reason and purpose are often used interchangeably. However, reason relates to justification or explanation. Purpose relates to objective or intent. If the couple were to conclude that although they have a reason to be angry, the anger does not serve a purpose, it would not exist.
When we look at individuals who may be emotionally unavailable, it may be due to past experiences or attachment style. The current purpose of emotionally unavailability may be that it offers a sense of protection. Often times individuals feel compelled to defend themselves quickly in situations that do not warrant defenses. The reason could be because they feel attacked and the purpose of the defenses is to offer feelings of protection.
If anger is present in a relationship it is because it serves a purpose. If the anger did not serve a purpose, it would not exist. When someone feels sad, they often have very good reasons to feel sad. If the sadness lingers, it can be helpful to explore the purpose of the sadness. Some may find that sadness offers a refuge that happiness cannot. When we connect and converse with others, it is because it often serves a purpose. Some individuals are not aware of the purpose behind maintaining relationships with their ex's. They may provide a list of reasons why they maintain contact however, when the purpose is explored, that list is a lot shorter.
When we recognize that the rain would not exist if it did not have a purpose, the sun would not exist if it did not have a purpose, we would not exist if we did not have a purpose, it makes life a little easier to navigate. It is not uncommon for individuals to struggle to identify the purpose of certain emotions, re-occurring thoughts, or behaviors. Knowing helps us to be more mindful of our intention and where we place our energy. Exploring my purpose allowed me to recognize that anger does not serve a purpose in my home. Frustration may visit occasionally but it is not allowed to overstay it's welcome because it does not serve a purpose. 10 years ago I had car seats in my car. The reason was because I had two small children. The purpose of the car seats was to keep my children safe. While I still have children, they are older now and we no longer have a purpose for the car seats. As a result, we no longer have them.
Logotherapy is popular when considering purpose and life's meaning. The idea behind searching for and pursuing one's purpose is a theme in many books, magazines, and movies. Although those things can be helpful, I encourage you to consider purpose on the smallest scale. What is the purpose of the anger in your home? What is the purpose of the happiness in your home? What is the purpose behind going to the gym? What is the purpose behind allowing people to overstay their welcome in your life? What is the purpose of your interactions with others? If we look for a reason to behave a certain way or to purchase a particular item, we will find one. Understanding purpose allows us to assess what certain thoughts and actions are feeding on. In our exploration, we are able to get to the root of its existence. When we explore purpose it can be a little more challenging. It can be challenging because it requires a honest look in the mirror. It requires a certain level of vulnerability. I encourage you to go beyond the reason and look at the purpose of certain thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in your life. It is there that you find that nothing happens without purpose. Or you may find that the things you thought served a purpose, mean nothing at all.
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